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annabelle / england / female / infp
literature / photography / languages / etc.
robots & ai / bees / unicorns / arashi / snsd / borderlands / + way more
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layout / lj
- I'm alive.
- it's warm here.
- my new skincare stuff arrived today and my face has never felt better.
- the world is terrifying right now on a dozen different levels.
- I've been running a blog about apples in video games for over a year now, called "apple fetch quest!"
- I turn 26 this summer, whoa.
- a lot of my favourite k-pop girl groups are making comebacks in June, exciting! TWICE, Red Velvet Seulrene unit debut, Weki-Meki, BLACKPINK, yay!
- I really ought to eat something, hmm.
- yeah! yeah. that's life right now. I am sending you my love. ♥
- oh my god I am so ill. it's making me really unhappy and distressed. I am on the hardcore meds right now, they're the only thing having any impact, and it's them all together at once at that.
- gonna have multiple inspections of my body via various orifices to check what's going on which I'm not happy about but hopefully it'll get us some answers.
- on a slightly brighter note, I have special crutches arriving tomorrow that should be good! excited for them :D
- I really love EXID's 'I Love You', I usually love their stuff and this is no different, and I'm so happy to see Solji back and absolutely killing it!
- I've been getting really really really into TWICE recently, I just really like how upbeat and fun their stuff is. however, while 'YES or YES' is a nice track, the lyrics are Bad. I would've hoped that they'd've learnt from the gross lyrics in 'Cheer Up' but apparently not.
- I'm really not into Red Velvet's 'Really Bad Boy'. I've tried, but it's just so all over, and it just doesn't appeal to me. the only song from the mini that I like is 'Butterflies', and I love it a lot!
- I'm really looking forward to Hozier's album because I've really enjoyed 3/4 of the songs he's released in advance of it already. 'NFWMB' has so many plays in my library.
- happy 3rd anniversary to Twice!!
- god I want the official Girls' Generation light stick so dang much
- I figured out a system for my writing a couple weeks ago and ordered the right notebooks for it and they still haven't arrived??? rude
- I am still pretty dang ill, it sucks
- yeah, still hanging in there overall (11 days until my gastro appt! yay!)
- my current state can be summed up as "always under a blanket, ordering food in too much (Deliveroo just opened in my area and oh shit that's bad news), sleep pattern completely a mess, doing lots of comfy chill things as I can"
- I was doing better for maybe a week and now things are getting worse again! why is my body like this!
- I have a gastroenterology appointment on Halloween though! I hope it's able to at least get me started on somewhat progressing towards feeling better
- I like September, September is a neat time I've realised
- this upcoming week I am seeing three friends! one of whom I am meeting irl for the first time which is exciting! then I'm going to chill with another friend later on the same day, and then a couple days later I am going to see Crazy Rich Asians with third friend. yay! I really hope my health is good enough for all of this!!!
- did some archery again for the first time in nearly three months which felt good! haven't been able to maintain it much since but I'm getting there!
- otherwise, not much has happened at all.
- hanging in there, that's what my situation can be summed up as at the moment.
- okay clearly I wasn't in the right place when I first listened to the new Red Velvet EP because I'm actually into Power Up and the English version of Bad Boy, and there are a couple of other songs on there that are fun and feel like they're gonna grow on me!
- I may have just had incredibly high expectations considering how in love I was with all their stuff last year, oopsies
- yes, this felt necessary as its own update!
- I really need to start getting on with Korean, alongside Japanese; I've wanted to for a long time but delayed it because I wanted to get to a good place with Japanese, and I think I'm there now! also impatient and want to learn! one thing that scares me is I am terrible at understanding spoken Japanese (and English - auditory processing disorder's like that!) and Korean is a million times harder to me because a lot of noises smooshing together and all. so that'll be interesting!
- I am very sick right now. this flare-up has caused some of the worst digestive problems I've ever had, and while the rest of the flare-up's gone, they've remained. I'm now on a bunch of drugs just to be able to eat a small amount, so yaaay.
- it was my birthday 2 days ago! I am now in my mid-twenties. (internal screaming) I spent the day going to the GP surgery because I was so ill and needed help urgently. proper birthday celebrations are happening at a later point when I am feeling at all better!
- I got a Nintendo Switch for my birthday and I love it so much! I finished Super Mario Odyssey's main storyline in two days (as I received the Switch on Monday, because I am a lovely daughter who knows how and when to whine at her dad). it's been a very helpful distraction from the nausea!
- SNSD are making a new subunit of the remaining SM members and I'm emotional about it!!!
- I... do not like anything on Red Velvet's most recent release??? which is a huge surprise to be considering I loved everything they put out in 2017 so very much! it's weird to me that this missed the mark so much.
- had a brief adventure back into make-up, this time trying out highlighter. it looks super cute! I look forward to experimenting more soon when I am up for it.
- one of my closest friends got me two Mimikyu items for my birthday; a lil figure in a Pokeball and the official Mimikyu plush!! I love Mimikyu so much oh my gosh
- I really haven't done very much recently, it's been hardcore mode of "trying to stay out of hospital and force myself to eat" so yeaaah.
- the drugs I'm on right now are helping but also mean I can't take my antidepressant all the time so. we will see how things go. I have another doctor's appointment on Tuesday to further figure things out, if possible.
- THE HEAT HAS BEEN TERRIBLE. I am glad it is starting to kinda cool down.
- have gotten into Fortnite Battle Royale recently! I'm crap at it, yet have somehow managed to get more top-2 finishes than eliminations! that's what happens when you can't be fast, especially not fast and accurate, and have a very strong run-and-hide survival instinct! it's also more fun when playing with friends :D
- archery is going well! lots of little steps of improvement. currently drawing 31lbs!! which is super impressive :D
- sn5d are filming a reality show right now!! I'm sad it's not the eight of them but I'll take it! s♥ne forever, gosh
- have discovered the joys of double-stuf oreos. except I take one of the cookies off so it's one part cookie, two parts stuf. and that's how it should be!
- anti-depressant is going well! had to up its dose a couple of times but it's doing well now. still got anxiety issues but these are less "my brain doing anxious stuff for no reason and me having no control" and more "things I can actually work on with help and therapy" so yay!
- still haven't written shit lol I'll get there
- went to stay at Arthur's for a couple days over the royal wedding weekend, had a lovely time! we played a lot of card games! I taught him cribbage and koi-koi and another game, and we just spent the weekend chatting and listening to music and playing card games, it was super chill and wonderful! ♥ also I had Taco Bell for the first and second time. in one day. their pulled pork quesadillas with no jalapeno cheese are so good, plus the churros!!
- IT'S WARM AND I AM UNHAPPY ABOUT IT
- still very tired! my body is doing a few odd things as of late, so yeah. not loving it!
- I was supposed to have a very important appointment with a special gastroenterologist in London a week and a bit ago but there was no parking because London hospitals suck with that (5 disabled bays? for a huge inner city hospital??? awful) so we're gonna have to get that rearranged.
- coincidentally, my stomach being worse than usual is one of the annoying body things :/ I love feeling gross and nauseated whether I eat or not :///
- my anxiety has been all over recently too?? just spontaneous debilitating panic attacks and feeling like I've been scooped out and that I'm really vulnerable and bweh. bad.
- plus I've developed eczema on my scalp and around my eyes, although this has been sorted for the time being! yay
- archery is going well! my new bow is mostly sorted, and it's usable now at least! it shoots really well and I'm improving a lot! it feels really good
- have gotten into the habit of playing cribbage with dad every night. it's nice! :D we use a lil bee as the pot token
- seeing bees out and about in the garden has made me very happy c:
- haven't written much at all recently, but I can feel myself working up towards it again!
- on a new anti-depressant and it's going okay so far! fingers crossed it stays this way!
- getting back into archery which is awesome! I'm not getting too much pain after doing it; the main problem is exhaustion, so that's something to work on.
- currently really enjoying the anime Laid-Back Camp, it's so cute and soothing and laid-back!! I love it so much ♥ I'm excited for the next ep!!!
- I've also been watching Sanrio Boys and I'm unsure on it (a lot of angst! like, kudos to them for not making it an out-and-out promotional anime, they're giving it actual storylines and characterisation and all) however I love Mizuno Yuu so much, he's so lovely ♥
- I played Grim Fandango Remastered for the first time recently too and loved that so much, oh my gosh. it was truly an epic story and I loved playing through it. Lupe was my favourite!
- NEW KENTUCKY ROUTE ZERO INTERLUDE CAME OUT AND I LOVED THAT SO MUCH!!! holy shit! I don't think I can ready myself for act V, no matter how much I try; I'll just be falling over myself with delight. like, I flapped so hard I hit myself in the face when this interlude came out, so!
- my sleep pattern is currently busted to all hell, so I gotta work on that. it doesn't help that I think 'okay, I haven't slept so much so far, I'll sleep a little bit more' and then wake up 6 hours later.
- 🎉 happy new year! ✨
- I am currently on no antidepressants, which is weird, but working out pretty well! it's also making me realise I need to be on anti-anxiety meds.
- going to Arthur's tomorrow for a few days, very excited to chill!
- I accidentally hit a lady on the head today in Waterstones, and I hate myself for it. I was pulling my hair out of my coat and my arm went back, as it does, and because I have zero proprioception, I didn't realise she was there, and I was like "what did I just touch (turn) OH GOD I AM SO SO SORRY" aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa she said she was okay and she apologised too, because this is England, this is what we do, but just, gosh, I wish I knew how to control my limbs. luckily, it wasn't too hard, but still! plus, this isn't the first time I've accidentally touched someone in a Waterstones either! I blame the narrow gaps between bookshelfs and tables, as well as my noodle appendages.
- (the first time, my arms were swinging freely and the back of my right hand brushed up against a guy's butt accidentally, leading to a very weird conversation about French textbooks wherein he assumed I worked there and I guessed he was stoned from how he was talking and he thought I was flirting with him by touching his butt and I was like nooo. no, sorry, noodle arms.)
- my body is doing weird things right now that I do not appreciate, but then again, I guess, when is it not?
- I got a backpack for Christmas!!! I love it, it is pink, and it is mine!
- getting a haircut next week, very excited for it! I love my very long hair, but I just am losing the energy and ability to maintain it, plus I want to freshen up my look a bit!
- currently going through withdrawal for my previous antidepressant, which isn't bad aside from the major brain zaps, it feels like my brain is shivering and jittering, it's very distracting! hopefully they ease up and leave asap. the new antidepressant I'm on is good so far!
- animal crossing pocket camp is so cute and lovely! I just constantly need more cotton
- my cat has become so cuddly this year! he still doesn't really sit on people, but he sits right next to us, cuddled up to our legs/sides, it's so sweet!!
- I had another poetry piece be published in late October! :D
- on reflection, I've really liked all of Red Velvet's title tracks this year, and a fair few of their b-sides as well! Body Talk is their best song, hands down. I'm at the point where I'm like "oh I guess I'm a fan of RV! neat"
- I saw Thor Ragnarok recently and it was so so so good, it's become one of my favourite films *ever*, I loved it so much!
- have tickets booked to see Star Wars TLJ on December 14th with dad, and I've made him promise not to have a heart attack after the film this time!
- trying not to be distraught over the current SNSD news and failing. I hope they can figure out a way that Tiffany, Seohyun, and Sooyoung can still be a part of SNSD without being directly under SM's thumb. all 8 of them deserve the best ;~;
- body currently staging a mutiny, cannot make it stop, displeased is understating it dreadfully. spent most of today in bed because my neck refused to hold my head up without agonising pain, so that sucked. hopefully tomorrow is better!
- didn't manage the writing enough poems for the poetry competition I wanted to try, which is fine! I still made a lot of progress and had fun. plus now I can focus on all the other smaller writing projects I've wanted to do, and build up to writing my first manuscript over time.
- still super excited for the new Arashi album coming very soon! I've been watching a lot of their TV shows and such to keep me occupied and happy, it's been working very well!
- hopefully getting a haircut soon! my hair is just too dang long right now, and I want to go back to the shoulder-length hair I had a few years ago, it was super cute and easy to look after!
- had fun time at Arthur's uni house celebrating his birthday in late August!
- I won first prize in a microfic specfic competition about bees in August too ✌️
- currently attempting to write enough poems to submit for a poetry competition and I don't think I'll get it all done in time but I am gonna try anyway because it's fun and I'm enjoying the process all the same
- enjoying the cooler weather! not enjoying the Raynaud's attacks and joint pain it's bringing
- Dad had his big surgery yesterday and is coming home tomorrow!
- very excited about the news about the new Arashi album! I like the title of it, very minimal!
- speaking of: happy 18th birthday, Arashi!! 🎉✨ I am so happy to have your joy in my life, it's made my life happier too!
- EXID are making a comeback in October! Solji will be involved but won't promote, which is good!! she's still a part of it, but won't damage her health!
- I have ordered a bunch of cute dice off Etsy, and a cute dice bag for them all to go in! (impatiently waits for it all to arrive!!!!)
- birthday stuff was all super fun! I think my favourite present was my pink "feeling philoslothical" tote bag, although all the presents I received were super lovely!
- I have been exhausted since birthday stuff! gosh I've done a lot recently
- spent the day chilling with a friend today, played Snipperclips among other things, had a lot of fun!
- more exciting writing news I cannot talk about quite yet!
- (passes out face down in bed)
- my birthday party is in 5 days, and my birthday's in 8!! exciting! I just hope the rain stops for my party! (seriously, it seems like August and autumn started simultaneously)
- I had an excellent physio appointment today! I have the nicest physiotherapist ever! I love her! she's so good!!! plus it was the first time I went into a physio appointment with her by myself, because physiotherapists in the past have treated me badly, so I got nervous when I first met her, and I would take dad in with me for appointments, but now I trust her so much that I feel super comfortable going in alone!
- I drove a car today for the first time! I did a three-point turn in an archery shop parking area while dad supervised, and I did well! a bit stamp-y on the brake, but it was my first time!
- I HAD FOUR BREAD ROLLS AT DINNER I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF they were so good and my stomach didn't complain about me putting food in it for once so I took advantage of it
- I got a bunch of new clothes in yesterday and they all fit perfectly and look cute on me and feel lovely on my skin! it's a miracle! that's never happened before! in the haul, I got a pink raincoat (it's so cute), the comfiest oversized red and white striped shirt, mega comfy red leggings, and a super cute and comfy grey dress! my style can definitely be called "cute and comfy", comfortable clothing is so important to me now
- I got my second writing submission acceptance today! it's actually the piece I submitted first, before my first accepted piece that I submitted second. it's my first poetry acceptance too! I'm really proud of the progress I'm making here! I'm having to readjust how I think about myself, particularly my writing ability, because it's extremely rude to imply that people are wrong/have bad taste if they're accepting my pieces and I'm still shitting on myself for my work, so I'm trying to be nicer to myself and it feels good!
- I keep getting so excited about things I struggle to fall asleep! my mind is racing with joy and I can't switch it off! this goes on until I tire myself out and conk out
- a little over a week until my birthday celebration! so so so excited gosh
- gonna go into my physio appointment all by myself this week, which sounds silly but is a big deal for me! I've had real problems with every other physiotherapist I've had in the past, and I find appointments generally very overwhelming, but my current PT is so magnificent that I feel super comfortable and confident with her to the point where I'm ready to go in alone!
- I'm also going to the cinema all by myself for the first time in a couple of weeks! another exciting thing :D like, I used to be very independent before my health got super bad, travelling around to see friends and such, and this is a small step in reclaiming that independence, it feels really good!
- stomach's being weird again/still, what else is new there really
- SNSD's 10th anniversary comeback is soon and every teaser I've seen so far I've adored so much, I'm gonna cry at some point over this, I can feel it ;u; I hope I have enough money spare that I can buy a copy of the album!
- new stim toys arrive monday!!!!!!!! yes! (although what the actual fuck at £15 customs fees, including £8 handling fee, what is this extortionate capitalist bullshit, fuck off with that)
- I had a really fun time at Arthur's over the weekend! I am so happy I have such a good best friend ;u;
- my microfic was published here on Thursday! I'm really proud of it
- two weeks until my birthday party!!! very exciting!
- I think I've figured out my current sleeping issue, so hopefully I can work on a solution to that
- my cat missed me so much while I was away, he's now asleep next to me! so cute aaa
- possibly experiencing autistic burnout, which isn't great, nor does it feel great; what would feel nice is going into a sensory deprivation tank or something for a while
- my micro fic is being published in 4 days!!
- I'm also heading to Arthur's in 4 days, very exciting
- 17776 was really good! kinda sad it's over but happy to have experienced it, Jon Bois did a really good job with it
- TIRED
